Without Babies, Can Japan Survive?
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/16/opinion/sunday/without-babies-can-japan-survive.html?ref=opinion
In this article I found dicton, syntax, and detail. Alexandra Harney did a wonderful job addressing the issue of whether or not Japan can continue to exist with their low birth rate. She really convinced me that it will be hard for them to continue on with such a low birth rate.
The detail in this article really helped me get a feel and understand exactly what Japan is going through. The facts were what made me believe that Japan is really struggling with their birth rate. An example of this is "...taught 1,250 elementary school children is now educating just 37." Going from 1250 to 37 is such a dramatic change, and without this detail, you wouldnt relize the severity of the problem. Another example is "...when 56 percent of local residents are over 65."
The diction in this article also helps you see the severity. Harney uses plight many times throughout this article and it is a much better option than using struggle. While struggle does have the connotative, pejorative notation, plight is a more sophisticated word choice. In the first paragraph, Harney describes different places. She writes "Many of town's elegant wodden homes are abandoned. Where generations of cedar loggers, sweet potato farmers and factory workesr once made their lives, monkeys now reside." Using the word elegant and then abandonded to describe the same house, also helps you realize how bad of a situation it is.
Harney uses wonderful syntax. She has a variety of long and short sentences. And she also uses a colon in one line, which, I think, is very effective. She also uses a set of parentheses. Harney uses hyphens.
Good job overall! Just a couple things, make sure that you don't end a paragraph with a quote, like the second paragraph. Try to analyze the quote a little, and talk about how it shows what you were talking about. Also, when you talk about the word "plight," I think using quotes is a good idea, so the reader knows that that's the word that the author used. For the last paragraph, try using an example or two, to show what you're talking about. :)
ReplyDeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteI think you had solid evidence and warrants for your first two body paragraphs. Without even reading the article, I can see its point through your evidence. However, I feel like you could incorporate your quotes a little more smoothly in your essay.
For your last body paragraph, you do a great job stating Harney's use of syntax, but don't give any explanation of why it is effective and what it adds to the piece. I think this is important and very necessary in developing a solid analysis.
Finally, I feel like your essay needs a conclusion to summarize what you've touched on in the piece.
Overall, your first three paragraphs were really really good. Great job!